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The 45th Annual Schmolaris Prize is awarded to...

Mahogany Frog's Faust (2022)

MAHOGANY FROG'S FAUST

A good story can be – and will be – told a thousand different ways. Its themes may change, its characters may change, its setting would undoubtedly change – and yet the story will remain somewhat recognizable; there will be some kernel of the original idea (perhaps the original truth) that is always maintained.


I have stacked beside me Bulgakov’s The Master and the Margarita, Banville’s Mefisto, Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, Mann’s Doctor Faustus (an English first edition (1948)), and both Nye’s and Turgenev’s Faust (and, I guess, the Old Testament {the story of Eve and the Tree of Knowledge is fairly Faustian}) – and there may be others hidden throughout my elaborately large, multi-level library. [I knocked out a large portion of the main floor ceiling and expanded the library upwards, sacrificing the master bedroom in the process. A narrow, metal spiral staircase now twists up to the second floor. I thought it would take years for me to fill its empty shelves, but, alas, the books now spill over the carved oak railings. I am now pondering whether I actually need the adjacent dining room – expansion here would allow for at least seven more (floor-to-ceiling) bookcases. I relate all of this not because I wish to brag about the size (and extent, its girth and thickness) of my weighty library (although I kind of do), but because, like Faust (or The Margarita, or Adrian Leverkuhn, or Gabriel Swan, or Dorian Gray, or Vera), I have a desire for a certain kind of knowledge (musical or otherwise)]. How easy it would be for the Devil to take my soul. All he would need to do is offer me more books, more music, more stuff – and I would accept his bargain in a second.


And, although that could be the kernel that’s maintained in each iteration of the Faust story (that kernel being a deal with the devil, like Robert Johnson at the crossroads), I think what compels us to keep reading (and keep writing about) the Faust legend has more to do with disbelief. We simply can’t believe that someone could be so innately talented, so knowledgeable, so much better than us everyday ignoramuses that we attribute such unparalleled abilities to supernatural deeds. It must have been the devil that allowed it – otherwise such feats would be impossible. It is devilry, it is witchcraft, it is inhuman. 


Listening to Mahogany Frog’s Faust, I am filled with this same feeling of disbelief. How could they make an album so good? How does it get better each time I listen to it? What devil gifted them so? What did they trade? And, given such disbelief, how could I not award the 45th annual Schmolaris Prize to them? (For it is with great pleasure that I do.)


Mahogany Frog’s Faust, recorded half a decade ago, presaged our current plague. And although doom and gloom may be one of the easiest things to predict, I find this is significant. Murnau’s 1926 film, Faust, came on the heels of the Spanish flu. Plagues, long seen as punishments for our – most often moral – behaviour, are instrumental in societal collapse. Ignoring the interpersonal drama of Faust (as a younger man) and Gretchen, it is the plague that propels the larger anxiety in the community – and it is this anxiety that compels them to burn Gretchen at the stake. It was the Justinian plague that helped Rome fall. It was smallpox that devastated the Aztecs and Mayans (and North American in general). Disease may have also contributed (among other things) to the end of the Bronze Age. With Faust, Mahogany Frog is questioning whether we, too, are on the verge of a collapse.


What then is our moral failing that we deserve such punishment? What deal with the devil have we – collectively – made?


Of course, there is no devil and no god to judge – or punish – us. And yet I don’t think it is a coincidence that our minds shift to conspiracy as the most likely explanation. Like Murnau’s Faust (and the Faust legend in general), the easy explanation is that it is all caused by the devil (or god) – which is the most common conspiracy theory that exists. Rather than recognize plague as a natural phenomenon (one caused by very material viruses or bacteria), its source is argued to be not-of-this-world. This is the disbelief I speak of – our failing to accept scientific materialism (true knowledge). Both the good (superhuman knowledge and/or abilities) and the bad (plagues, &c.) are, instead, explained away with conspiracies. We are refusing scientific explanations and arguments for why/how things happen. Instead: vaccines are evil; climate change is a hoax; consciousness continues after death.


The devil could be Shell or Exxon. The devil could be capitalism. The devil could be nature herself. But the devil always collects what’s owed. Faust – like us – knew the risks, but the rewards (computers and cars and films and rock ‘n roll and homes and heating and plumbing and food and health and happiness and love) - knowledge, in other words - proved too great to pass up. 


With Faust, Mahogany Frog warns that we will one day have to face the consequences of such a deal. We will fight others to preserve ourselves. We will leave our babies to die in the snow. We will kill and burn the Gretchens of the world. And when we do, we will have no one to blame but ourselves. 


Not gods. Not devils. Humans. Us. You. Me. And my giant, two-storey library.


Congratulations Mahogany Frog,

Steve Schmolaris

September 19th, 2022

Schmolaris Prize 2022

Bad Gardening Advice is pleased to announce the short list for the 45th annual Schmolaris Prize. Founded by Steve Schmolaris in 1977, the prize is awarded annually to Manitoban musicians based solely on the current state of our collective dystopian Hell. This year's jury members include the Minister of Death, Alan Lagimodiere; the Minister of Famine, Derek Johnson; the Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon; and the Minister of War, Heather Stefanson. Your 2022 Schmolaris Prize Short Listers are:


- Chris Doerksen - The Parallax Chronicles (Parallax, Super Parallax, Ultra Parallax)

- Hopscotchbattlescars - First Name Hopscotch Last Name Battlescars

- Ultra Mega - Panis Angelicus

- Tired Cossack - Hocus Pocus

- The Dirty Beat - The Dirty Beat

- The Famous Sandhogs - The Song-Poem Store (Volumes 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

- Eldritch Renaissance Cake - The Prairie House

- Mahogany Frog - Faust

- Mutable Body - Nowhere

- Tetyana Haraschuk - The Intentions of Honesty, Kindness and Perseverance

- Drake - Honestly, Nevermind


The winner will be announced at 9:00 PM CST on Monday, September 19th via zqktjdwuivvvjdqq7ygtjd2jdu6dkjjiie9jdqad.onion/schmolaris-prize. Schmolaris NFTs (containing the entire winning album) will be available-for-purchase (in Schmo-coin) to enter an Oculus/Quest-only after party / zombie survival game featuring you and the winning band as you try to get out of an Evil Dead themed escape room. (Don't worry - it's not really the band; by agreeing to accept the Schmolaris Prize the band has entered into a binding contract to have their likeness(es) digitally represented. By amalgamating their social media accounts, we've trained artificial language and emotional intelligence algorithms (correlating them to representative childhood development scores in high school and post-secondary institutions (if applicable)), and generated their digital presence(s) so that it seems like you're actually playing with the band!) NordVPN recommended. Tor required.


Thanks to our 2022 sponsors, the board of Manitoba Film and Music's Music Business Development Fund, for helping us navigate the darknet; and the Rainbow Trout Music Festival for catering the event with delicious boiled rainbow trout straight from the Roseau River!

Meet Your 2022 Schmolaris Jury Panel

Minister of Death, Alan Lagimodiere

Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon

Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon

As the Minister of Death, I think the intent... they thought they were doing the right thing. In retrospect, it's easy to judge the past. But at the time, they really thought that they were doing the right thing. From my knowledge of it, the residential school system was designed to take Indigenous children and give them the skills and abilities they would need to fit into society as it moved forward.

Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon

Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon

Minister of Pestilence, Audrey Gordon

As the Minister of Pestilence, Happee 7-Eleven Day! I stopped by my local 7-Eleven on the corner of Elizabeth Rd/Archubald St (Windsor Park) to celebrate and enjoy a Frog Water Watermelon Lime Slurpee!

Minister of War, Heather Stefanson

Minister of War, Heather Stefanson

Minister of War, Heather Stefanson

As the Minister of War(riors), it was a proud mom moment for me, it was a proud parent moment for both my husband and I when we were at a hockey rink in Selkirk and Tommy and his high school team were playing, the St. Paul’s Crusaders, and they defeated the Westwood Warriors to become the Manitoba provincial high school hockey champions.

Minister of famine, derek JOhnson

Minister of War, Heather Stefanson

Minister of War, Heather Stefanson

The diversion of our Emergency Rooms along with doctor recruitment and retention is one of many large concerns for the Interlake riding. A recent press release from the CEO of our IERHA discussed the potential of Emergency Room amalgamation caused by doctor shortages. The New Progressive Conservative Party has committed to a rigorous doctor recruitment and retention program.


Presently, there is a 26 week wait for a Personal Care Home bed in the IERHA; because of this extended wait period, our hospital beds are full of individuals who are waiting for a care home bed. The inappropriate use of hospital beds as a "personal care home" impacts the ability of the required emergency/acute functions. The bureaucracy in our RHAs are driving our doctors and healthcare professionals out of our province. The New Progressive Conservative Party has committed to aggressively adding 1200 personal care home beds.


Flooding in the form of the man-made Portage Diversion and the adverse effects it puts on the downstream watercourse. Flooding from the lack of maintenance of provincial drainage infrastructure and the general neglect of infrastructure in the Interlake region.

About Steve Schmolaris

Who's that illustrious man who's a fan of Winnipeg music?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that illustrious man with vernacular spectacular?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that illustrious man with a lexicon spectaculon?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that mighty critic on high who bestows the Schmolaris Prize?

Steve Schmolaris!

He diligently listens to every song made in Winnipeg.

And with his discerning ear he makes perfectly clear what he thinks of it.

Steve Schmolaris has read over 10,000 books and he's smart as fuck.

Steve Schmolaris rejoices in the mastery of the English language like that other guy - what's his name - James Joyce!

Who's that eloquent dude with reviews of Winnipeg music?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that highly educated guy who bestows the Schmolaris Prize?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that guy with a genius IQ doing reviews of Winnipeg music?

Steve Schmolaris!

Who's that mystical seer with his ear attuned to the music of the sphere?

Steve Schmolaris!

Steve Schmolaris!


(Image: Steve Schmolaris at the inaugural Schmolaris Prize in 1977 in East Schmelkirk.)


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