Schmolaris Prize 2026 - Short List

Bad Gardening Advice is pleased to announce the short list for the 49th annual Schmolaris Prize. Founded by Steve Schmolaris in 1977, the prize is awarded annually to Manitoban musicians based solely on the whims and whimsy of Tonko, whose new novel NADA is no longer available from McBussy Publishing. Nonetheless, this year's prestigious jury members are Tonko, former Winnipeg Jets All-Star Logan Stanley, novelist Aaron Barry, and Maxwell Rosenbloom! Your 2026 Schmolaris Prize Short Listers are:

tarp - Automatic Solar Lights

The Dirty Beat - Birthrite: Lancing the Boil

Boy Golden - Best of Our Possible Lives

Secret Cervix - Dreampt

Slipperbasket - All Sorts of Colours

Kolakolapop - Absolute Bangers

Moyamoya - [0x4d4f5941] :: pull_req <cathode> >> {poison_chalice}

Show Pony - Show Pony For the Masses

The Inflatable Band - Neon Factory

Jacob Brodovsky - Tell the Kids We Tried

The winner will be announced at 9:00 PM CST on Tuesday, September 22nd via hauntingly full-breasted ASMR clicking and tapping and whispering and shhhhhhh everything will be okay that's better yes fall asleep baby you're doing so good.

Thanks to our 2026 sponsor, McBussy Publishing, for being an amazing editor and publisher and wonderfully kind all around. Thank you Maxwell!

Meet Your 2026 Schmolaris Jury Panel

TONKO

LOGAN STANLEY

I've already begun to write the next book - and, yes, it's a young adult novel. Picture this: you're a penniless waif in need of an open air camp for the summer holidays and you're snatched up by the Sisters of Serenity in the service of the Monsignor, who runs (and built) Camp Morton along the shore of Lake Etticoke. It's like Harry Potter meets His Dark Materials. There are stagmoose and colour-changing herons and evil water-beings called torrentulas. There's religious mumbo-jumbo. There's a historic basis for some of it, others not so much. It's really all I can focus on at the moment, but I'm buckets of grateful to be selected as a jury member for this year's Schmolaris Prize. It's not my only jurying, too! I've been selected as a jury member for the new Schmeridian Prize! Will nature's wonders never cease?

LOGAN STANLEY

Dear Aubrey,

My gorgeous, incomparable body (and skill) may now be in Buffalo, but my heart will always be in Winnipeg (with you). Our time together - brief that it was - rarely strays far from my mind. How could I forget it? There were times in the playoffs where I'd be transported back to our glory - to the fans (you among them) roaring as one, to you (alone with me) roaring as well - and I couldn't help but expect to see you when I left the ice and returned to the dressing room. Alas, you were not there to receive my sweet sweat and perfume. In Buffalo, there is no one whose tongue covers the length of my being like yours could. Give my regards to Tonko.

Yours (always yours),

Logan Stanley

AARON BARRY

MAXWELL ROSENBLOOM

🙏💝✨

🎭🏆

🌾📜🤞⚖️

🙅‍♂️

💩🚫👇

🎭🌱🌾

MAXWELL ROSENBLOOM

Okay, here's what you should change. Ten nominees, that's all. Any more is overkill. You started out well with the first forty-eight Schmolaris Prizes, but you have to retain readers' attention. And that's hard to do nowadays. There's too much competition. You got to make it sexy. Make it scary. Make it controversial. No publicity is bad publicity. Everyone's too woke, especially you Canadians, wow! The novel is about subversion, inversion, the unexpected. It's like a long joke - if you know where it's going, it's not going to be funny. You got to twist the knife at times, make 'em feel it in their guts. That's what art's about, isn't it? The pen is mightier than the sword. Twist the pen, you fucker! Click that ball point! Make 'em bite the nib! Spill ink all over the page while you make 'em turn it.